What happens when at 19 yrs old you miscarry and at the same time are told by doctors you will never have any more children?
In this episode, Corinna Pulatie shares the devastating experience of learning she would never be a mother again. She also vulnerably shares about the pressure women can sometimes feel to not ever feel sad or ungrateful when their Rainbow Baby (the surviving child after miscarriage) comes into her life. Corinna voices her wrestling through the grief of the loss of her pregnancy as well as the shame she felt for the times she was not filled with joy once her newborn arrived.
Corinna is wife to Caleb, mom to two wonderful boys, part-time accountant, and an avid baker and cook. Her overwhelming passion in this life is learning more about God and understanding just how much everything is His providence.
00:33 Other women’s perspectives
7:24 Intro to Corinna & why this topic is important to talk about
13:24 Has she always been bold & said what was on her mind?
16:24 Did she plan to have kids? Her story
17:13 Life before the Miscarriage
19:13 Losing the pregnancy
21:51 Additional devastating news
23:19 What the wrestling was like for her – her identity changed
26:22 Where she is in the grieving process -Life after the birth of her Rainbow Baby – needing permission to feel anything but grateful
33:44 Fear while pregnant after miscarriage
36:40 The difficulty in seeing other babies after her miscarriage
37:16 Thinking she could’ve done something to prevent the miscarriage happening
39:00 What she wishes we knew – How do we support women better who’ve been through miscarriage?
-tread gently, try not to assume we know what they’ve been through
-Don’t assume this has been a devastating event for her
-Allow her to grieve the way she needs to
-Let women share at their own pace & encourage them when they do
-Don’t tell them how they should be feeling
-Let them know you are thinking about them (in person or in text)
Not sharing the pregnancy ahead of time then had the consequence of no one knowing what she had been through
49:40 Corinna’s Big Reveal
51:55 Kathleen’s Parting Words
Identity changes that can come with grief
What about women who don’t experience miscarriage as a devastating experience?
- Ask them if they want to talk about it
- Still invite them to baby related events – give them the option to say no
- If you realized you’ve not said helpful things to another woman in her grief, please be kind to yourself. Some of this is just not intuitive.
Common things I heard from women to NOT say:
it’s for the best.
You can try again.
At least _______
It was meant to be.
God must’ve needed another angel.
God has a plan.
They are in a better place.
They weren’t meant for this world.
Are you a visual learner? Wish you had in written form all the guest’s tips about how to be a loving supportive friend? Become a $2/month patreon member and receive an Episode Guide that outlines all her practical tips (as well as some others we didn’t discuss).