Her Mom Died, What Do I Say? Part 1 -Kim Ludeman #8

What is it like for a 19 year old to lose her mom to cancer?   How does she process her grief when her whole world changes (her childhood home is sold and her dad remarries right away) and her support system doesn’t understand how to help her grieve?

What is it like for a 19 year old to lose her mom to cancer?
How does she process her grief when her whole world changes (her childhood home is sold and her dad remarries right away) and her support system doesn’t understand how to help her grieve? Join me as I interview Kim Ludeman and her story of Grief & Loss After Losing Mom.
As a Confidence Coach, Kim Ludeman doesn’t just help women feel good.
With more than 10 years of health & fitness experience, she’s obsessed with creating lasting change. Kim gets her clients to stop hiding and live the life they WANT rather than one they think they SHOULD (she also created and hosts her own podcast, coordinates a private Facebook group, and offers individual and group coaching under her company Captivatingly Confident).
Kim utilizes a blend of Personal Styling, Nutrition Guidance, Mindset Coaching, and Personal Training to help women reveal their radiance.
Kim found a passion for helping women stop hiding after losing her mom to cancer when Kim was 19. Her message of body and self-acceptance has moved thousands of women into taking a more loving approach to their bodies and hearts.
She lives in Portland, Oregon with her husband, Tim. Off-hours Kim can usually be found hiking with their 5-year-old Louis and obsessing over all varieties of mustard.
Show Notes
15:30 How she got into her current business
18:00 Kim tells us her about her mom and how her life influenced who Kim became
25:00 Her mom is diagnosed with Stage 4 Uterine & Ovarian Cancer at age 43; Kim is 18 yrs old.
27:00 What was it like to know her mom didn’t have long to live and how she coped with no support
31:33 What it was like to lose her mom at age 19 and to enter right back into life at college
33:00  How she responds to, “You have to stop crying. You are making everyone else uncomfortable.”
-She’s in a better place.
-God has bigger plans
-We’ll pray for you.
33:57 What would’ve felt supportive:
-Hold space for them.
-Hold their hand.
-Put your hand on their shoulder.
-Sit in the ashes with them.
-Just be with them.
– To be seen.
35:10 Things to Not Do:
-Try not to fix it.
-Compare the death to an animal’s death.
-Compare the death to another person
-Scripture references
-Say you would pray for her
42:35 She didn’t just lose her mom – she loses her childhood home, her dad which drives her isolation
45:30 How she is now 15 years later
-Grief is like a ball in the box with a pain button
-How a baby shower triggered her grief into anger and sadness 38:00
51:56 A loving gift to her at her Baby Shower in remembrance of her mom
53:10 Kim expands on her feelings of anger in regards to her grief
– how thinking she needed to trust that God has a plan made it so she felt she wasn’t allowed to be angry at her situation
57:34 “Trauma (death of a loved one is a trauma) is stored in the brain”  If you find yourself stuck in anger or continually triggered or reactive, there are therapy techniques designed to help: Brain Spotting (https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/brainspotting-therapy), EFT, EMDR, Neurofeedback
Kathleen’s Parting Thoughts
Grief After Losing Mom
  • Make room for the possibility that her relationship with mom wasn’t good -don’t assume
  • Do you know someone who has a poor relationship with her mom – ask her about that
  • Stay away from fixing or silver lining statements
  • Remember the significant person in Kim’s life in college, Andrea, she didn’t say a word, she just held her
Facebook Group: The Captivatingly Confident Community
Podcast: The Captivatingly Confident Podcast
Instagram: @kim.ludeman
Kathleen’s Workbook –Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You
Wanna hear the why behind Kim’s Big Reveal? Become a Patreon Member of this podcast and get access to the “Interview After the Interview” episode. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew
Are you a visual learner? Wish you had in written form all the guest’s tips about how to be a loving supportive friend? Become a $2/month patreon member and receive an Episode Guide that outlines all her practical tips (as well as some others we didn’t discuss).
Have more questions for Kim? Become a $5/month Patreon Member and get access to a Live Q&A with Connie inside our Patreon Exclusive Access Facebook Group. https://www.patreon.com/whatshewishesyouknew
Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters
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