Confessions of an Unfun Friend

Kathleen M Peters, Speaker/Author
Fun. I know i need it. I’ve read the research. Play is good for the brain. It’s essential to maintain a healthy creative life. Blah. Blah. Blah.


I know the women in my group Real Mama Sisterhood who participate in my biweekly Coffee Talks wouldn’t believe me, but I am not what I would consider to be a fun playful person. Goofy and silly at times, but adventurous in the fun arena? Uh, no. I want to be, but it seriously doesn’t even show up on my normal everyday radar. In my friendships, it’s bitten me in the butt more times than I would like to admit. Apparently, some people whose love language is quality time kind of like it when you reach out and invite them to do something fun.  Hmmm. Curious.

Here’s the deal, I know how to work. I know how to push and make myself do hard things, but for some reason, “fun” isn’t a part of my make-up. When I wake in the morning, I don’t think, “What playful thing am I going to do today?” Nope. Nerd here. I know it’s not healthy. I know God designed each of us to rest and enjoy this world He made for us. I know I cheat myself of a more fulfilling life when I don’t choose play once in awhile. I feel it in my bones after beating my brains out with too much work.  Without play, my creative flow comes to a screeching halt. I am then too exhausted to go on and find myself binging Netflix and Facebook scrolling for hours on end. Been there?

Thank God, I have friends who not only know how to be playful, but are constantly thinking of what next adventurous thing to do  and they graciously invite me to come along. I’ve seen waterfalls, tasted amazing waffles, doughnuts, and raspberry beer. I’ve experienced lemon drops, yoga, manicures, boatside sunsets and walks through gorgeous Fall foliage. All I would’ve never done on my own.

I recently had lunch with a friend (she invited me, by the way). She said, “I’ve been watching what you’ve been posting in your group about friendship and I decided I’d like to cultivate my own friendships better. And then I looked around and asked myself, ‘Do I even have any friends?’ Kathleen, I know how to work, network, and bust a move in my business, but friendship? Ugh. Now that alludes me.” I then high-fived her.

Me too, friend.

If there hadn’t been a table between the two of us, I might’ve chest bumped her right there in that adorable coffee shop. (Okay, on second thought that would’ve just been awkward). I get her. She gets me. I laughed as I shared with her my counselor had introduced me to this same mind-blowing concept about friendship: you can be intentional about reaching out to friends. You can write it in your calendar to text or invite her to coffee. You can set up monthly phone calls or lunch dates. How can two obviously intelligent women have missed this incredibly simple principle? I don’t know. But the point is, we both realize friendship is important and we want prioritize it better.

And you know what? I had so much fun at that lunch. We may both struggle to work play into our lives, but for those 3 hours we talked about what was important to us, work, mothering, marketing, writing books, and great lipstick. What I learned is play can be a lunch date with a woman who hears your heart and high-fives your struggles because she gets you.

See, I do know how to play.


With love, Kathleen

Does friendship allude you? Would you like a place to come drop your heavy heart and have other women who get you, gather round, and love on you? Come on over to my Facebook group Real Mama Sisterhood. We’d love to have you.

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